The pursuit of success is a deeply personal journey, one that requires us to define our own metrics and build our own path. Yet, this journey can become stalled if we’re tethered to a powerful, unseen force—the need for external validation from others to feel “seen” and to confirm that our efforts matter. However, what happens when that validation isn’t there or is ascribed based on what another person expects from you to receive their approval? The truth is, relying on external approval is a fragile system for success, leading down a path to emotional stress. Especially since the opinions of others at some point may fail and disappoint us.
We all want to feel valued and seen, and it’s understandable how challenging it can be when that kind of validation is absent. Especially when we seek it from others, we’re placing our peace, contentment, and joy in their hands. The problem is, their approval is based on what they like, what they find acceptable, and what aligns with their own value systems, shifting emotions, and insecurities. Whether someone offers praise or criticism, it often hinges on their own personal insecurities, not your authentic being.
This reality became especially clear to me in my own career. Throughout my varied roles in education, I’ve had the opportunity to work with amazing supervisors who hired me for my strengths and expertise, trusting me and granting me with the autonomy needed to support the organization’s vision, mission and goals. Then, there was a very different experience. In a senior administrative role, I was leading an institution that had been stagnant for years. Under my leadership, we were moving the institution forward and achieving significant progress within a relatively short period of time. However, I encountered a supervising manager who was highly critical and non-validating of our excellent work. Their response was toxic, hinged on their own insecurities, and a disdain that they couldn’t control the level of success I was achieving. This individual was deeply uncomfortable with the progress we were making because it was happening in a way and at a rate they couldn’t manage. They attempted to project their own discomfort and incessant need for control onto me.
In that instance (and in every instance), I was grounded in my identity as an independent, wise and confident thinker. Who did not need to seek the approval from others as a motivation for success. This context of thinking, coupled with active engagement into practice, has given me the strength to tune out and silence the negative noise. My confidence level, being extremely high, allowed me to sustain my focus on excellence, because my motivation was always internal.
This is why your true success lever is emotional detachment. I am not suggesting you become cold, unfeeling, or disconnected from others. On the contrary. It’s detaching your sense of self and your success from the opinions and actions of others. It’s building a robust, internal system for validation that is completely within your control. This shift allows you to move away from the anxiety of seeking approval and toward the empowering act of creating your own destiny.
Actionable Steps for Emotional Detachment
Ready to take control and start building your internal validation system? Here are three simple, yet powerful, steps you can take today:
- Identify Your “Why.” Take a moment to define what success means to you, without external influence. Is it financial freedom, creative expression, personal growth, or a specific impact? Write it down. When you know your own “why,” you can measure your progress against your own goals, not someone else’s expectations.
- Practice Mindful Observation. The next time you feel hurt or disappointed because someone didn’t “see” or validate you, pause. Instead of reacting emotionally, simply observe the feeling. Acknowledge the desire for their approval without letting it control your actions or mood. This small act of mindful detachment separates your feelings from your identity.
- Celebrate Your Own Wins. Don’t wait for a public announcement or a pat on the back. After a successful project, a small personal achievement, or even a difficult conversation you handled well, take a moment to acknowledge your own effort and skill. Tell yourself you did a good job. This intentional self-praise builds the muscle of internal validation, making it your go-to source of encouragement.
The core of this journey is to learn how to create, focus, and design your own personal success levers. You are not waiting for someone else to tell you that you are amazing, to offer you opportunities, or to “see” you. You have the power to validate yourself. You are the one who tells yourself you are wonderful and destined for success. This is a journey of releasing your inner strength and finding your authentic power, a journey of building momentum through change.
Our work at Felicia Clotworthy Collective is founded on these very principles. We understand that unlocking your full potential requires a deeply personal journey of self-discovery and strategic action. This is why we have created programs like The Collective: Mentoring Programs. This transformative and unique experience is built on the values of Authentic Expression, Collaborative Innovation, and Transformative Impact. It provides a deeply personal journey and is a subscription-based program designed to be your partner for growth. Through both one-on-one and group programs, we provide the dedicated support you desire to navigate this path and achieve your goals.
By shifting your mindset and embracing emotional detachment, you empower yourself to pivot effectively in life, leaning into your journey for unstoppable growth. You become the leader of your own life, driven by an inner vision that is not swayed by external opinion. Your authentic power is unlocked not by what others think of you, but by what you know to be true about yourself.
Stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to succeed. Start today by looking within. You are your greatest success lever.
Be inspired. Be empowered. Be fabulous!
Felicia
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